Today’s post brought to you by: A golf cart
Grateful for: Hot shower, washing machine and bed
Trying to accept: Size of this retirement village. It makes Auckland look like a small town.
Just as the bus trip to Orlando was ending I’d managed to get the gig down to a T.
Within 4 mins, 39 seconds of arriving at a truck stop in Ocala I had:
- Complimented a passenger on her choice of nail polish
- Brushed teeth
- Gone to loo
- Checked for food in teeth
- Chosen coffee from 5 different hot blends, 2 iced blends and 3 other mysterious kinds
- Chosen milk and creamer from regular, cream, hazelnut, peppermint, chocolate, cinnamon …
- Perused baseball caps for present for brother
- Scoffed warm buttery biscuit from Arby’s
- Got back to seat without being told off by Johnny.
The theory
The practice
It was all going swimmingly when somebody’s phone rang. Johnny was straight on the PA system.
“Whose phone was that? Now ladies and gentlemen. As I told you all earlier. There are 2 words you need to use on this bus. Please. And thank you. [Wonder if I should’ve pointed out to Johnny that those are in fact 3 words].
“The thank you seals the please.
“Now all I want to do, all I asked you to let me do, is drive this bus without being interrupted by your electronic devices.
“Is that so hard, ladies and gentlemen? Do you not understand English?
“I played the announcement twice, in both English and Spanish, so you have no excuses for not doing as I very clearly asked you to do.
“Now, please, turn your phones to vibrate. Do you understand what that means? If you have trouble understanding please come up to see me, one person at a time, and I will explain it to you again.
“Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I hope the rest of your day is blessed.”
I think Johnny has some per.son.al.ity issues.
Got out of that bus and away from that man as fast as I could with 50lb of bags. My friend Ben had just flown in from Minneapolis so she whisked us away to The Villages retirement community.
Florida must be funding itself with tolls. Within 20 minutes we had to stop 3 times on the interstate to pay tolls. No rhyme or reason to amounts: $1.25, then $1, then $3.25.
If you don’t have the right change they take your picture and send you down to Mar-a-Lago to spend a week with Donald and Melania.
An hour later we stopped at The Villages supermarket to buy a few provisions. Thank goodness it was only a few because it was like shopping in Saks. The prices made NZ look cheap. Next stop Walmart.
To say this place is enormous is to say I like food. There are villages within The Villages. Each one is s … hang on, what’s this? Message on my phone. AMBER ALERT. Huh?
Seems a father, somehow connected with The Villages has kidnapped his young daughter, also somehow connected with The Villages, and everyone has been sent his name and car rego number so they can keep their eyes peeled. Well if that ain’t efficient I don’t know what is.
Ok, I haven’t slept in 36 hours so will have to show you photos of The Villages tomorrow. Might have to hire a helicopter to get it all in.