I’ve had to duck into the nearest Starbucks to tell you about the Christmas miracle that just hit my face.
Spot the difference.
Before
During
After
Look at my eye. My left eye. Now look at my right eye. Spot the difference? In 20 seconds, and $995 + tax for a 2-year supply, I can wipe 3,874 sleepless nights and 49 years off my life.
“Wow Gail, you 50-going-on-1-year-old, what on earth happened?”
‘Tis a slow Monday morning in downtown Charleston (feels like Sunday afternoon in the city that never wakes) because as I’m strolling past these geezers they thrust soap samples in my hand.
I thrust my phone in their faces.
Next thing I know I’m being dragged into shop, plonked at counter with lots of scary unflattering lights and having collagen cream dabbed under my eye by giant syringe.
Now there’s as much chance of me exaggerating as there is of spending more than $12.95 + tips on dinner, but I tell you right before my disbelieving eyes the black smudges and ‘character’ wrinkles vanished into thin air.
Still gasping like an escaped goldfish, I was then dragged over to the computer to be shown how they buy the stuff for $200 and sell it for $995, but it’s my lucky day because guess what I have this damaged box here that I can’t sell so you madam can have it for $199 which is only 27 CENTS PER DAY!!!!!
“Ah yes” I say, whipping the calculator out of his hand and sticking in the pesky 1.7 conversion factor. “That’s actually $338 to me. Which is more than a Greyhound ticket round the whole US.”
I thought he was going to kidnap me and force me to stand on the street as a before-and-after dummy while disbelieving cruise ship passengers stared in amazement.
“I am going. Now.” I said as I fled the store back onto the narrow cobbled streets of Charleston. Apparently it’ll all wear off in 6 hours and I’ll suddenly be eligible for a pension.
Ok I was going to tell you all about Charleston tonight but too bad, you’re getting an instalment now.
If you were a 4 feet tall, 102 pound churchgoer you’d be right at home here. There are more churches than parking meters, the streets are so narrow you almost have to turn sideways to pass anyone, and the shops are so tiny that even a ballet dancer would feel like a bull in a china shop.
It’s the most unusual city I’ve ever been in. Completely different than what I expected. It’s kind of like Boston in miniature.
There are brick row houses next to Queen Anne mansions next to workers’ cottages, next to abandoned lots.
With its oak-lined streets it’s even prettier than Savannah. It just feels so old. As in historic, not as in decrepit.
However you can see its economic struggles. Every other shop away from the tourist bits is empty. Homeless men live under bridges next to restored villas.
Speaking of restored villas, am yet to meet my Airbnb hosts – Allie the teacher is out of town. Jason the sales rep is your all-American jock. Every wall and shelf is covered in sports memorabilia and there’s more beer than veg in the fridge.
And only in Charleston with its Gap, Banana Republic, J Crew and Anthropologie stores lining the streets could a (one wrinkle-free eye) girl from NZ walk into Starbucks and have the server exclaim “Ooohhh, I love your sweater”.
Didn’t tell her it cost $9 + postage on Trade Me.
Trying to show you downtown but bit tricky
Dr S would be turning in his grave
A building
Another building